x` the love that soars ; .

The Love That Soars, I'm With You [v22.0]

I would never erase the sincerity in your eyes,
when u told me, you love me.
I would also never forget the way your eyes burn,
when I angered you, and broke your heart right from the bottom.
neither would I forget the sadness in your voice,
when you said sorry after everything.

These are every bits and pieces of the pair of wings a butterfly has.
put them back again, and we get to soar up high.

Dear, I love you.

21 December, 2006

It's been 2 days since I've last blogged. Because I've something to occupy myself like watching VCDs (am currently watching the show named "Silence" but the strange thing was it doesn't match with the chinese title known as "Shen Qing Mi Ma" translated into english should be "Secret Love Code"??!!) Hahaha...

Do you know that it was raining non-stop on Tuesday??? Bet'cha all know since it appeared in the news & the papers. That day was so gloomy that I challenge myself to a marathon VCDs lor.... now I'm left with 5 more discs to complete before I start another series of VCDs or DVDs.. Plus, I still have to study for my advanced theory test. I tried doing the 400 assessment questions until I nearly go bonkers!!! The most I can do per day is about 100+ la... haha... I still haven't complete the book yet.

Yesterday I've attended a trial workshop about creating "Self-awareness" with Baoying near Paradiz Centre. It's been a long time since we've attended workshop & I feel glad she invited me because I hope to learn something from there. She came to know about this workshop through a net friend & both of them met up for the first time last night. Her friend actually came along to give us support & he even brought his girlfriend along too. Both of them met in the workshop & just got together for about a month or so, I can tell they're deeply in love & appreciate one another very much. Oh... don't be mistaken that both Baoying & I didn't plan to go there to meet any prince charming, we just wanna learn something from there & apply to our life that's all. This is a self-improvement or self-enrichment course. Drats... I should have brought along my NYAA logbook for them to acknowledge!!! Muahahaha... I doubt they'll sign unless I sign up for the course which costs $1155 for 5 days session. Last night, her friend & another guy keep persuading us to sign up after the trial session has ended because they truly think it's worth it.

Today I'm full of sentiments about last night's workshop that I dunno how I should go about it. Last night the speaker gave us 2 sample activities to try on & I guess for my objectives should I wanna sign up is to open up my heart & to establish good interpersonal r/s with my patients. Although I dunno exactly the contents of the program but I heard alot of positive feedback that after they've attended this course, they've changed for the better. They asked me to share out my thoughts about this course & what do I wanna acheive out of this course. So I told them I want to find back my real self & open up my heart again. All these while I've been wearing a mask to cover my inner feelings that on the surface people might mistaken me as a cold person. I really dunno what happened to me. I've suddenly became a reserved person eversince I left MINDEF to join nursing.

Before the workshop start, Baoying told me that she & James felt that I've changed into another person which they think it wasn't the real me. Hence she thought maybe this workshop may help me find back my true self. Baoying was my ex-ITE friend whereas James was my ex-colleague. Both of them came from different worlds but they told me the same thing. The old Winnie is gone. In their eyes, I used to be a cheerful & active girl always full of nonsense, like to disturb people, very enthusiastic in doing things. I'm touched that they've always remember me this way. But eversince I've started doing nursing course, I've changed into another person. I still kept an autograph book which I used to ask my classmates to write in their biodata & drop some messages for me. Many of them look upon me as the "kai xin guo" & happy go lucky gal. They always like to see me participate in class activities such as presentations, whenever I talk they'll laugh & support me. Whenever I participate in student council's activities, they'll always cheer for me & support me. How I'ld like that to happen again but everything is in the past tense! Whenever I talk, they could almost hear laughter & joy from my voice. So where is the old me?

The present me is quiet, shy & reserved. To convince myself that I used to be a cheerful & playful girl in everybody's eyes, I asked hippo what he thinks of me when we first met in MINDEF. His description is the same as Baoying & James (that old couple matchmade by me!!!) but what hippo is unable to see is the change in me because to him I'm always playful in front of him. Of course la, he's my bf ma.... When I innocently asked hippo why I've mellowed down, he gave the answer that's because I've grown up. I wonder does growing up takes away your character? I still think it's because I'm still dwelling into my past. It's hard to forget about something that will mark your whole life.

Not trying to boast how charming I was, but when I was working in MINDEF I tend to have a few secret admirers. I didn't share it with my ex-colleagues for fear they'll think I'm trying to act proud or outshine them. I'm sorry if they missed out any interesting segment during our MINDEF period because we have alot of gossipers in the office & my status then was not in a position to allow me to enter into any relationship. Someone have hinted me that he likes me but I acted blur, the other is protective of me whenever other people is challenging or trying to bully me, the other just like to get close to me, the other one, although sits sooooo far away from me likes to enter into my section & tease me when in the past he has never enter into my cubicle before I took over the job. (i can't reveal names here because it's to protect their faces!) PS: I didn't made it up myself, it's either I discover myself or my spy told me about it.

I may have secret admirers but I also admire other people too although I'm not allowed to. These secret admirers only carry a torch for me because they knew themselves I'm untouchable. The only daring contestants are Hippo & another guy!!!!!! Eventually hippo emerge as a winner!!! Yay.... hahaha....

Anyway I just wanna declare or clear any misunderstanding that hippo is NOT a 3rd party between me & my ex. Until now some people still think hippo shouldn't come between us no matter what happens. He brought me out of my darkest period. We didn't care about the consequences & got together. It's been 2 years already & we're still happily together. I didn't made the wrong choice this time because so far he's the only person whom I can committed to whole-heartedly without any reservations.

Snap back to the reality, I wish I could attend the course but it's too expensive. If I ask hippo for money he'll hesitate although he'll give in to me eventually, therefore I've to save some money first then ask him to help me pay the balance at least he won't feel the heartache! Muahahha... I wanna recover back my old self & be happy always....

Shucks... it's 2.46pm now.... gotta clean my room then go out meet my friend. Tml lagi best, dunno still going gym with Baoling & Janice anot, so far no news from them. If so, gotta arrange with them early cos am going out with my old friends in the evening to the museum!!! Muahahah.... got program is better than staying at home!!!

Cheerios... ^_____^

Wan Ying wrote at 1:40:00 pm

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